comment if you've been offended by my body odor

Yesterday one of my few friends in the world let me my body odor was offending him (perhaps this is why I have so few friends). He did it in a private, tactful, polite, and loving way. But I did get the feeling that he thought I was hygienically impaired in some way. Like I was living an oblivious, rather than a considered, life. Kind of like when Brenda once said, "You do know you have to use water AND soap when you shower, right?". Believe it or not, for the last few years, I do use water and soap in the shower everyday. But I've always gotten rashy using any deodorant besides the aerosol Right Guard (pictured, left). 

Well this summer, as things started getting really hot, even Right Guard was making me feel rashy, lo, even just soap and water was making my armpits feel exceedingly tender, sore, and itchy. So, in an effort to avoid any unnecessary discomfort to myself.  I stopped using deodorant altogether. "Hello, my name is Carl, and I don't use deodorant. It has been sixty-seven days since I last used deodorant." I haven't really kept track, nor have I been attending bodyodorolics anonymous. 

Perhaps you noticed my stench at Camp Alpine and thought, "well we are camping after all". Nope, I smell like that all time.  In my freshman high school French class we got extra credit points for not showering or changing clothes for a week. I discovered that was my kind of assignment. I came to believe that deodorant is something corporations manipulated us into needing, and that not smelling like the Good God intended is more of a cultural than a universal, and definitely not a gospel habit. I wore deodorant on my mission, because it was in the white handbook, but I did a lot of things on my mission that were a little or a lot bit crazy. Wikipedia, which we all know to be infallible and sanctioned by the Good God HimSelf, claims that sweat alone is nearly odorless, but that bacteria in moist, warm, dark places ferments the sweat into the pungent aromas anyone that has spent time near me is familiar with. Well, was anybody offended when Jesus turned water into wine? 

Yea verily, the Good God, in His Infinite Wisdom, even sent me a wife with anosmia as divine approbation of my policy. So, while I am perfectly comfortable with my own stench, if it offensive enough for those around me to have to pull me into a corner and say, "they make this stuff for people who smell like you..." I'll put some on. Because of my sensitivities, I bought this hippy stuff (pictured, right) that will hopefully be more soothing than soap and water alone, but with any luck, will intensify rather than diminish my offensive b.o.

Hit the comment button, you know you want to, it is your chance to pull me into a corner...